Get The Let Them Theory

The Let Them Theory is an approach to relationships and personal growth that teaches you how to stop trying to control things you can't control — especially other people's behaviors, opinions and reactions. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience and decades of research, Mel Robbins explains that when you let others be who they are and live how they choose, you free yourself to focus on what truly matters: deeper connections, better boundaries, and the ability to channel your energy into growth and happiness for you and others.

Here are four key pieces of advice from the book:

Stop Managing Other People's Emotions

“You can’t want somebody’s sobriety or their healing or their financial freedom or their ambition or their happiness more than they do. You will be ready for your loved one to get better, way before they are. Which is why you need to remain in control of your response to the situation. You are not dealing with someone who is capable of rational thought or healthy decision-making.”

Let People Show You Who They Are Through Their Behavior

“People’s behavior tells the truth about how they feel about you.”

Focus on What You Can Control

“Every human being is dealt a different hand in life and you can’t control the cards that someone else is holding. The more time you spend staring at someone else, the more you miss the entire point of the game.”

Go First in Building Connections

“Let me be the first to introduce myself. Let Me be the first to say, ‘I'm new here. How long have you lived here?’ Let Me be the first to say, '‘If you ever want to go for a walk, let me know. Here is my number.’”