Book Freak 182: The Let Them Theory

Letting others live their lives will free you to live yours, by Mel Robbins

Get The Let Them Theory

The Let Them Theory is an approach to relationships and personal growth that teaches you how to stop trying to control things you can’t control — especially other people’s behaviors, opinions and reactions. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience and decades of research, Mel Robbins explains that when you let others be who they are and live how they choose, you free yourself to focus on what truly matters: deeper connections, better boundaries, and the ability to channel your energy into growth and happiness for you and others.

Here are four key pieces of advice from the book:

Stop Managing Other People’s Emotions

“You can’t want somebody’s sobriety or their healing or their financial freedom or their ambition or their happiness more than they do. You will be ready for your loved one to get better, way before they are. Which is why you need to remain in control of your response to the situation. You are not dealing with someone who is capable of rational thought or healthy decision-making.”

Let People Show You Who They Are Through Their Behavior

“People’s behavior tells the truth about how they feel about you.”

Focus on What You Can Control

“Every human being is dealt a different hand in life and you can’t control the cards that someone else is holding. The more time you spend staring at someone else, the more you miss the entire point of the game.”

Go First in Building Connections

“Let me be the first to introduce myself. Let Me be the first to say, ‘I’m new here. How long have you lived here?’ Let Me be the first to say, ‘‘If you ever want to go for a walk, let me know. Here is my number.’”

Solo Fliers Surcharge/Virtual Reality Meetups/Goodbye Skype

Nomadico Issue #159

Solo Surcharges on U.S. Airlines

First reported by Thrifty Traveler and then confirmed by others, it came to light last week that the three big legacy U.S. airlines have been secretly charging solo travelers more on some flights. In a clunky solution to their desire to charge business travelers more than leisure ones, they have discounted some flights for two or more people traveling together then charged single ticket buyers more. Nobody has found evidence of this on Southwest, Alaska Air, or the many budget airlines that mostly cater to leisure travelers. So you might want to play around with the number of passengers when searching and vote with your wallet against the ones employing this sneaky move.

Virtual Reality for Far-flung Connections

I picked up a Meta Quest 3 headset a few months ago not because I wanted to play first-person shooter games in 3D, but so I could join my mom and sister for social gatherings when I’m in Mexico and they’re in Virginia. We meet in some virtual world then head off to play cards, miniature golf, or other activities. Last round my niece joined us too. You’re looking at avatars of each other but the sound quality is great, like chatting in the real world. You could also use it to play golf with friends, race cars around a track, “sit together” for a movie, or go to a live concert in the music hall.

Skype RIP

The Skype voice over IP service and my Cheapest Destinations Blog launched the same year, in 2003, and it’s hard to believe now what a game-changer that technology was. It made formerly expensive phone calls free and allowed people on opposite sides of the planet to talk for hours if they wanted. I could give my elderly anti-tech father a real phone number to call that would ring on my laptop abroad. It changed online education, allowed remote workers to keep making deals, and it kept long-distance relationships alive. This article is full of “Skype stories” and as the last person says, “I doubt I’ll ever have any warm nostalgia about Zoom.” (via Jodi E. of the Curious About Everything newsletter.)

Philippines Nomad Visa

This is still a work in progress, with no income requirements set yet, but the Philippines announced they’ll be launching a digital nomad visa good for a year, with a potential to add another year. Besides the hundreds of beaches you could gaze out at from your mobile office, this is a country with a deep pool of workers who speak like native English speakers. It would be a great place to launch or grow a new business without having to arrange meetings with staffers 12 time zones away.

A weekly newsletter with four quick bites, edited by Tim Leffel, author of A Better Life for Half the Price and The World’s Cheapest Destinations. See past editions here, where your like-minded friends can subscribe and join you.

The Longest Day of the Future / Django/Zorro

Issue No. 70

THE LONGEST DAY OF THE FUTURE – CHRIS WARE MEETS TERRY GILLIAM

The Longest Day of the Future
by Lucas Varela
Fantagraphics
2016, 112 pages, 7.8 x 10.5 x 0.6 inches (hardcover)

Buy on Amazon

On this Earth-like planet, only two corporations exist. One is represented by a pig mascot, the other by a rabbit. Each cult-like corporation produces everything a person could need or want – food, entertainment, housing, vehicles, employment, etc. One day, an alien spaceship crash lands on the planet, disrupting the barely-functioning balance between the rival corporate tribes. This Brazil-like story is told in the form of a wordless graphic novel by Argentine cartoonist and graphic designer Lucas Varela. The art is superb, bringing to mind Chris Ware. I read this twice, savoring every beautiful panel, filled with insanely weird and wonderful robots, buildings, vehicles, and creatures. I can’t wait to see what Varela does next. – Mark Frauenfelder

DJANGO/ZORRO – LIKE DIPPING FRENCH FRIES IN A MILKSHAKE, THE PAIRING ODDLY WORKS

Django/Zorro
by Quentin Tarantino (author), Matt Wagner (author/artist) and artists Francesco Francavilla, Jae Lee, and Esteve Polls
Dynamite Entertainment
2015, 192 pages, 7.1 x 10.4 x 0.9 inches

Buy on Amazon

Is the concept of a Django and Zorro team-up ridiculous? Of course. But like dipping French fries in a milkshake, the pairing oddly works. Django/Zorro is an official sequel to the film Django Unchained and was written by Quentin Tarantino himself along with Matt Wagner, having just completed a run of Zorro comics.

The story picks up a few years after the film, and Django is still working as a bounty hunter, sending money back to his beloved Broomhilda. While collecting one of these bounties, he happens to meet an older Don Diego de la Vega, whose alter ego (Zorro) hasn’t given up his freedom-fighting ways. If you were a fan of the film, you’re going to like this, because it reads like another Django movie. It’s action packed and has some great dialogue, but what I found really special about this is that it offers a glimpse into Quentin Tarantino’s future.

As a huge fan of Tarantino’s work, I was saddened when I heard him announce that he’s hanging up his director hat after ten films. This only leaves two more to look forward to. But if the Django/Zorro comic is any indication of what he plans on doing after he stops directing, then comic fans get to rejoice.

As a special bonus for writers to geek out over, there’s a full script of the first issue included in this collected edition. It’s interesting to see how these two masters of their craft assemble the story that eventually makes its way to comic form. This is required reading for Tarantino completionists, and comic fans alike. Highly recommended. – JP LeRoux

Books That Belong On Paper first appeared on the web as Wink Books and was edited by Carla Sinclair. Sign up here to get the issues a week early in your inbox.

Bookbinding 

Tools for Possibilities: issue no. 141

3D book making

Making Books that Fly, Fold, Wrap, Hide, Pop Up, Twist, and Turn

All-around best book for exploring alternative forms of the book. It’s aimed at kids, but works for anyone creative. — KK

Creative bookmaking guide

Books Without Paste or Glue

Keith Smith published Non-Adhesive Binding in 1990. At the time there were few other bookbinding manuals in print (and in comparison with other crafts, there still aren’t many). Books by Arthur Johnson, Edith Diehl and Douglas Cockerell offered instruction according to specific craft tradition. These manuals told how to bind a book with very little room for creativity other than decorative choices (what color would you like the leather on the spine to be?). The books were hard to find and contained long lists of tools and desirable equipment that a bookbinder should have.

Keith Smith’s book is completely different. He illustrates basic techniques that can be used to create a wide variety of bindings. He encourages the binder to explore how books move, how structural variations influence that movement, and how both movement and structure can lead the binder to fully engage the creative intent of the author’s work. He is even more enthusiastic about the possibilities for binders who are the creators of content or those who we now call book artists.

I started bookbinding in 1991 and Keith Smith’s Non-Adhesive Bookbinding was the first manual I ever bought. As Smith required very few tools and almost no equipment, I was able immediately to start making dozens of books based on his instructions. His drawings of often complex sewing patterns sometimes confused me (and sometimes still do!), but after having now tried to illustrate bookbinding or repair techniques of my own, I’m amazed at how much he conveys so clearly.

It has become more apparent to me with time and experience that his book is a deeper resource than it may first appear. While his methods are simple and often result in astonishingly modern looking bindings, his book is profoundly informed by historical methods and models. Unlike a bookbinding manual that represents a defined tradition, he uses the knowledge of earlier binders to encourage new binders to create their own paths.

Smith’s Non-Adhesive Binding may be almost 20 years old, but it remains a vital resource for bookbinders, book artists, and anyone who wants to creatively understand the book form. — Kristen St. John

• The book, constituted by everything in the pyramidal hierarchy, is always top and center, the totality and must dominate. Each decision on any element within is subordinate to the realized book. If the binding dominated, the book would be superficial. If conceptual, visual and physical organization were not considered, the content of text and/or pictures would be merely a compilation of islands, rather than an orchestrated totality.It would appear that at one extreme, the content is quite separate from the process of binding. For me, nothing could be farther from ideal. I sometimes think about the physical object. There is concrete space between words and/or pictures. Movement is constructed through content, which determines the rate of turning pages.
• A book can be created through a play upon the action of turning a page. Indeed, a lifetime’s work can have as one under-pinning the exploration of what physically transpires in turning the page. Becoming involved and excited about any aspect of the physical book can reveal potential which, once understod, can easily be expanded as theme…. A book grows out of an understanding of its inherent properties, rather than the inclusion of outside elements. Conception springs from the physical format, evolving into a realized book.

Once a week we’ll send out a page from Cool Tools: A Catalog of Possibilities. The tools might be outdated or obsolete, and the links to them may or may not work. We present these vintage recommendations as is because the possibilities they inspire are new. Sign up here to get Tools for Possibilities a week early in your inbox.

Objects from the future/Nature identifier/Beefy power bank

Recomendo - issue #465

Best power bank for pro users

With 140W of power, the Anker 737 PowerCore 24K power bank is beefy enough to juice up a laptop. It’s hefty — 1.3 pounds and the size of a soda can — but that’s the tradeoff for this much power. The color display shows you how long it will take to charge your device. If you need serious portable charging, this is worth the investment. It comes with a USB-C to USB-C cable designed to handle the high wattage. — MF

Imaginal Future Tool

Objects from the Future is a digital prompt generator that helps you imagine physical objects from potential future worlds. You are given five cards, each representing a different societal outcome, timeframe, object, industry, and human need to be satisfied. These prompts then become doorways to the imaginal. I spent some time envisioning what family rituals might exist 100 years from now, when a large-scale event has led society down an unpredicted path and what is needed most is “comfort” in uncertain times. I didn’t get a clear picture in my mind, but I sensed that even 100 years from now, the greatest source of comfort for me would be rooted in the natural world, not digital. — CD

Polyglot sparks global joy

Language enthusiast Yuji Beleza travels the world recording his encounters with strangers. He speaks five languages fluently — Japanese, English, Russian, German, and Turkish — and knows enough to hold basic conversations in dozens more. When people tell him where they’re from, he immediately switches to their native language. Watch as their expressions transform from coolness and suspicion to warmth and trust. My friend Irwin Miller shared Beleza’s Instagram channel with me, and it instantly lifted my spirits. — MF

Nature identifier

The best mobile app for identifying living species is iNaturalist. It is free, fast, and can identify most plants, animals and many fungi. Load it onto your phone, use it to snap a picture, and then its AI will ID it. To date, it can identify 500,000 species. You can then share your observation with iNaturalist’s extensive community of enthusiasts who can confirm, refine, and expand upon what you found. Because you can opt to allow the location of your observation, the app is also contributing to science. (The current app is a newly rewritten version that replaces both iNaturalist Classic and kid-version Seek.) Twenty five years ago I co-founded a non-profit to catalog all the species on the planet and this is the technology that we dreamed about. — KK

Wonder Tools

I have a rotating door of newsletters in my inbox, and I’m often subscribing and unsubscribing as I outgrow them, but Wonder Tools is one that I continue to read weekly. Jeremy Kaplan generously offers in-depth research about the most useful tools on the Internet and shares his insights for free. I always learn something new and discover websites and apps that make my computer life easier. A good example is his recent issue: Deep Research with AI: 9 Ways to Get Started. — CD

Rubber block printing

Did you ever make a linoleum wood-block print in school? I did, and cutting linoleum was a pain. It took a lot of energy and effort to even make a small design. Recently I returned to making woodcut prints and hand-carved stamps because I discovered the secret: instead of cutting either wood or linoleum, I carve on a sheet of firm rubber, which cuts like butter. Speedball, the legendary company making carving tools, produces their own Speedy-Carve Blocks which have the consistency of a pencil eraser. Many other generic manufacturers in China offer this soft carving sheets, too. Now, making a block print is quick and enjoyable. — KK

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Book Freak 181: Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention

Johann Hari shows you how to regain your ability to concentrate

Get Stolen Focus

Our collective attention spans are shrinking. Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus helps you understand why and what we can do about it. Through research and interviews with experts, Hari reveals that our inability to focus isn’t just about willpower or personal failing — it’s the result of powerful forces that are deliberately stealing our attention. From big tech’s surveillance capitalism to rising stress levels, sleep deprivation, and polluted food and environments, Hari uncovers the systemic causes while also offering hope through both individual and collective solutions.

Here are four key pieces of advice from the book:

Acknowledge That Multi-Tasking is a Myth

The human brain can only hold one or two conscious thoughts at a time – this is a fixed biological limit of our neural hardware. Yet we’ve convinced ourselves we can think about many things simultaneously. This is simply a myth we created rather than accepting our natural cognitive constraints.

Your Attention Requires Three Forms of Light

1. Spotlight attention: Focuses on immediate tasks and short-term actions (making coffee, finding glasses, reading a chapter). When disrupted, you can’t complete these immediate tasks.
2. Starlight attention: Directs your longer-term projects and goals (writing a book, building a business, being a good parent). Like stars guiding travelers, it keeps you oriented toward your bigger objectives. When disrupted, you lose sight of where you’re heading.
3. Daylight attention: Enables self-reflection and clarity about what you truly want. It helps you understand why you chose your long-term goals and who you want to be. When this attention is disrupted, you may lose touch with your core identity and purpose.

Create Flow States For Deep Focus

To achieve a flow state, you must dedicate yourself to a single task – no multitasking, no distractions. Mihaly’s research shows that flow demands your complete mental focus on one activity. Since our brain can only truly process one or two things consciously, flow emerges when we align with this natural limitation and direct all our cognitive resources toward a single purpose.

Sleep is Crucial for Attention

Sleep deprivation directly damages our ability to focus and maintain attention. Among the first cognitive functions to deteriorate when we lack sleep is our attention span. Research shows that as tiredness increases, people struggle with basic tasks like following conversations or playing simple games. Each hour of missed sleep progressively erodes our capacity to concentrate and process information effectively.

What’s in my NOW? — Jim Lord