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Mark Epstein is a psychiatrist who also meditates, and in Thoughts Without a Thinker he uses both practices to make the point that the solid, permanent self we work so hard to build and protect is the same self that keeps us anxious. If you loosen your grip on it, a lot of everyday suffering will decrease.
Core Principles
The Self Is a Construction
We spend enormous energy projecting an image of being complete and self-sufficient. Epstein argues that the feeling of a solid, unchanging "me" behind all of this is something we assemble, not something we find. He describes the self as stitched together out of the gaps in our emotional experience, the raw spots we rush to cover up instead of looking at. Seeing how the assembly works is the first step toward holding it more lightly.
We Suffer When We Avoid Direct Experience
Much of our pain, Epstein writes, comes from being afraid to experience ourselves directly. Feelings are fleeting and constantly shifting, but we treat them as fixed, solid facts about who we are. A passing wave of anger becomes "I am an angry person." A moment of doubt becomes "something is wrong with me." When we let experiences stay as fast as they actually are, they have far less power over us.
Bare Attention as Medicine
The central tool Epstein draws from Buddhism is "bare attention": noticing exactly what is happening, moment by moment, before you pile your reactions on top of it. There is the cold of the air, and then there is your story about the cold. Bare attention watches the raw event and the reaction as two separate things. The goal of this practice is not to feel calm or blissful. It is to watch the sense of a fixed self loosen as you observe it.
Don’t Build a Better Self, See Through It
Epstein calls the Buddha a kind of original psychoanalyst, using a method of self-inquiry centuries before Freud. But he points out a key difference. Much of Western therapy hunts for a "true self" hidden under our defenses, waiting to be set free. The Buddhist view says there is no such self underneath, only layers of constructions to see through. The work is to stop polishing a better self-image and start noticing how the image gets made.
Try It Now
Set a timer for five minutes and sit quietly with your eyes closed. Each time you notice a thought, silently label it “thinking” and bring your attention back to your breath. You are practicing watching thoughts instead of being carried off by them.
The next time a strong emotion hits, find where you feel it in your body. Is it tightness in the chest, heat in the face, a knot in the stomach? Don’t try to fix it or explain it. Just describe its texture and location for thirty seconds.
In the middle of a worried thought, ask: “Who is aware of this thought?” Look for the thinker behind it. Notice that you find more thoughts and sensations, but no solid, separate “me” doing the thinking.
Quote
“We do not want to admit our lack of substance to ourselves and, instead, strive to project an image of completeness, or self-sufficiency. The fabric of self is stitched together out of just these holes in our emotional experience.”
